 Family Life
Find Your Way to Character Heights
Helping Children Learn Responsibility
As children grow, they seek increasing independence. They want
to make their own choices and control their own world. Children's drive for
independence begins in infancy and the process grows and continues until they
are well into adulthood.
As parents, we often find it difficult to let go of our
children's hands and allow them to explore and learn for themselves. Parents
should always provide reasonable safety for their children. But when we
praise and encourage our children to explore and make choices we are supporting
the development of their independence.
Wise parents know how important it is for their children to make
decisions.
Allow opportunities for your child to make choices. Begin with
simple decisions, such as choosing a book to read before bedtime, and, over
time, provide more opportunities for more complex choices and decisions. (See
the unit on Giving Children Choices.) When your child begins to express a desire
to do certain things on her own (such as dressing herself, filling her own
plate, etc.), allow her to do these things. Help her out when she requests your
help or she is obviously struggling with something. But give her the chance to
make as many decisions for her own life as she is able to make.
We can give our children opportunities to be responsible for
household chores. Choose chores that are appropriate for your child. Begin
small with tasks like putting away their toys. As they follow through with what
you expect them to do, give them opportunities to take on more responsibilities.
The age of the child is an important factor. You cannot expect a five-year-old
to be responsible for the same things as his twelve-year-old sister. Match the
chores to the maturity and interests of the child.
Model responsibility. Children learn from what their
parents do. Show your children that you are responsible through your decision
making and your daily tasks. Keep the commitments you make to family members.
Let your child experience the consequences of his choices and
actions. If your child promises to clean his room before dinner, make sure
his room is clean before he sits down to eat. If he did not follow though with
his commitment, he should expect a logical consequence, perhaps not being able
to eat dinner until his room is clean. Your child should be aware that
consequences are tied to their behavior. (See the unit Using Consequences to
Help Children Learn.) When your child makes good choices, even in small things,
notice and encourage him.
Give your child support. Let your child know that you are
going to be there for her when she needs you. Even as adults we need some help
to get us through our responsibilities. When a child knows she has the support
of her parents, she is more willing to take on responsibilities and explore the
world.
Applications:
What kind of opportunities do you give your children to explore
their independence? (Ex: encourage exploration, decision making,
responsibilities, etc.)
Does your child have responsibilities at home (such as
cleaning-up her room, setting the dinner table, taking out the trash, etc.)? If
you child is not doing well with those responsibilities, does he or she need
additional training or support? If your child is doing well, are you noticing
and supporting the efforts?
How do you model responsibility for your children?
Do you try to protect your children from consequences or do you
allow them to experience an appropriate discomfort from mistakes?
How have you given your children support this past week in their
efforts to become responsible and independent?
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