 Family Life
Find Your Way to Character Heights
The Power of Distraction
Distraction can be a very useful tool. When I am already full
and find myself tempted to eat a large quantity of additional chocolate, I try
to get myself busy with something else. I also put the chocolate away. We can
use the same principle with children.
Distraction is generally better than confrontation.
Rather than yell at a child for playing with forbidden objects, we can provide
them with safe and interesting alternative toys. And we can put the forbidden
objects where they are not a temptation to children. Making their world safe and
interesting for them is the heart of child proofing.
For distraction to work well, the child must be drawn toward
something interesting. For example, if a child reaches for a sharp knife,
dad might offer the child a spoon or rubber scraper or wire whip. As children
get older they will be less easily distracted. There are times when a parent
must say, "Not for touching." Such limits will be most effective when
offered with firmness but also with an invitation to other activities.
Effective distraction often requires an investment of time.
It does not take much time to grab a rubber scraper and offer it to a child. But
sometimes a child needs a new place to explore. Sometimes it may be necessary to
take a walk or go to the park in order to give your child something new to do.
Creativity can also help. If you are tired of your child banging the pans, you
might get out some brightly colored play dough and cookie cutters. Your child is
likely to be drawn to the new opportunity.
Distraction works somewhat differently as children get older.
We hope that children will increasingly learn how to distract themselves, but
they may need our help right into adulthood. For example, a school-age child may
feel that a certain scooter (or shoes or CD) is essential to her happiness. She
is not likely to be easily distracted. You might encourage the child to find a
picture of the desired scooter in a catalogue. You might also encourage the
child to consider other things that might be bought with the same amount of
money. Pictures of those alternatives can be taped alongside a picture of the
scooter. Encourage the child to set aside a final decision for a few days - or a
week - or a month. Put the pictures in a drawer and wait a while. See if she
feels the same after some time has passed. It may help the child to know that
the choice is still there for her to make. (Older children and teens do not like
their choices taken away from them!) When she returns to the decision, encourage
her to think about whether the scooter will still be important to her in a year.
The objective of this process is not to make the child crazy with delays but to
help the child learn to make decisions with a bigger picture in mind. If at some
point she determines that she must have the scooter and if she has the money,
then she may make the purchase.
It can also be helpful to teach teens (and adults) to distract
themselves from negative thinking. Some psychologists say that dwelling on bad
experiences can make us sick. Especially at times when we are lonely or tired,
we may need to know how to point ourselves toward better days and higher
purposes in our lives. It may help us to recite favorite poems or sing favorite
songs. We do well to know how to set troubles aside and to frame good
experiences and hang them in the gallery of our minds.
Applications:
Are there things that you are always having to take away from
your child? Is there some way to childproof your house so that you do not have
to be at odds as often?
It is not the number of toys that determines a child's
enjoyment. In fact some parents may find that having a few toys available and
keeping others in storage is better for their child as they rotate through the
toys. The toys do not have to be expensive. Boxes or wood blocks may be a child's
favorite toys. Many good toys can be found at thrift stores.
What are some things your children love to do? Do they have
opportunities to regularly do things that are enjoyable for them? Help them find
ways to learn and grow.
Martin E. P. Seligman is a psychologist who has studied the way people think
about their experiences. He found that people who dwell on the pessimistic view
are more likely to be depressed. Those who emphasize the positive tend to be
healthier. His book, "Learned Optimism," is a very insightful book. He
has also written "The Optimistic Child" which may be useful for you if
you are interested in psychology.
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