 Family Life
Find Your Way to Character Heights
Teaching Values in Your Family
Family is more than a place where we eat and sleep; it is the
place where we learn what matters most. If all we do in families is manage
groceries and sleeping space, we have missed the great opportunities to teach
the great lessons about being human.
The most important way to teach values is by example. Do we
teach kindness by the way we treat each other in the family? Do we teach service
by the way we reach out to people around us? Do we teach resourcefulness by the
way we solve problems? Children learn by example.
We teach values by the stories we tell. The simple conversations
of life tell what we value. When we tell our children how much we appreciate
Mrs. Jones helpfulness, we are telling them what is important to us.
In addition, many families have a regular program of reading and
talking about their heroes. The heroes may be great citizens of the world,
literary characters, or scriptural figures. Talking about our heroes and their
deeds sends our children powerful messages about the values that we honor.
We teach values by the discussion topics we emphasize. In some
families it is a tradition to invite family members at a leisurely weekend
dinner to talk about their best experience of the day or the past week. Family
members have a chance to review their own best experiences and to learn about
what is important to other family members. This can not only help us learn about
each other's values but also deepen the bonds that unite us as a family.
We teach values by the traditions we institute as a family. The
family that makes a tradition of helping neighbors teaches caring. The family in
which family members help each other in times of need is teaching cooperation.
The family that goes to the library and talks about ideas is showing its value
for learning.
Some families establish a regular family fun time. Some families
set aside a regular time for reading or sharing. Some families carefully choose
their media (TV, videos, games) to fit with their values.
We teach values by the way we deal with family problems. When a
family member is having trouble, do we unite to support and invite that person?
When a person breaks important family rules, do we try to help that person find
better ways?
Positive family values don't just happen. Family members learn
to be strong and caring people partly because the family has carefully
cultivated practices that support those values.
Applications:
Talk with your family about some of the values that are most
important to the family and to different family members. Rather than try to
decide which values are the "right" values, notice how each person
chooses differently. Enjoy the differences. Maybe each family member would pick
the 3 or 4 values that mean the most to him or her.
The following list might help family members think about
different values:
- Control in your life
- Being respected
- Close relationships
- Self-respect
- Owning things
- Mature love
- Spiritual well-being
- Privacy
- Control of self
- Security and safety
- Feeling of belonging
- Self-improvement
- Wealth
- Fun
- Taking risks
- Being all you can be
- Deciding your own future
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- Wisdom
- Sexual intimacy
- Chastity
- Protecting human life
- Good health
- Understanding yourself
- Success and achievement
- Excitement
- Variety
- Freedom to choose
- Meaning and purpose in life
- Concern for others
- Power over people
- Inner harmony
- Enforcing law
- Close family relationships
- Knowledge
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Invite family member to suggest how they can work together to
support those values.
Discuss the idea that emphasizing any one value while neglecting
other values can be a problem. For example, the person who values good health as
the only value may not be willing to have fun.
What are some things that happen in your family that are contrary to your
values? How can you support each other in living by your values?
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