 Family Life
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Human Development -
Making Peace with Yourself
For many of us, the greatest battles of life are those we have
with ourselves. Many of us are very critical of ourselves. While it may be
helpful to be aware of weaknesses, it can also be paralyzing. Worrying about our
limitations and imperfections will keep us from accomplishing what we can do.
Do not save up memories of mistakes. Haul off old trash. If you
find yourself returning to past mistakes or painful experiences, consider
whether there are lessons to be learned. If you have processed the past for
insights, haul the rest to the dump. It does no good to pull trash along behind
you.
Notice what is working right. Don't compare your
talents to those that other people have. Don't minimize your talents. You have
your own combination of talents. Enjoy them. Develop them. Use them to make life
better for people around you. Be glad for the talents you have.
In fact our greatest weaknesses are almost always tied to
strengths. The person who thinks she is weak may be tender or sensitive. The
person who thinks he is stubborn may be strong and decisive. The person who
thinks she is indecisive may be creative or open-minded. We can make wise
efforts to manage our weaknesses while enjoying the strengths that they are
connected to.
Challenge yourself in areas of weakness. If you have
trouble meeting people, prepare yourself to ask simple questions such as,
"What are your hobbies?" If you have trouble getting certain chores
done, try doing them when you are fresh and energetic.
Use mistakes as an opportunity to learn. Do not dwell on
mistakes. Do not be afraid to try. When you make a mistake, apologize as needed
and say to yourself, "One more lesson. I am glad I know more today than
yesterday."
Many of us fill our lives with nothing but obligations. We do
what we have to do but we never make place for the things we love to do. If you
want to be peaceful, be sure that you regularly do some things that energize
your life. Do you love poetry? Carry a book of poems to read in your spare
time or scribble your own poems on scraps of paper. Do you love to be with
friends? Make a luncheon date to be with people you enjoy. Do you love to learn?
Get a library card and use it. Do you love nature? Make time for nature walks,
imagine beautiful places, or collect leaves.
The challenges of life can make us anxious and fearful; or they
can teach us to be wiser and happier. Life will get better and better if we
learn from our mistakes.
Applications:
Notice your thoughts.
How often do you think about your mistakes? How can you
change the way you talk to yourself so that you see room for growth while
being supportive and encouraging of yourself? Think of things that a
perfectly loving person might say to you. Practice saying them to yourself.
When something goes wrong do you tend to blame yourself or
others? Blame almost always causes trouble. When something goes wrong again,
be prepared to say something like: "I didn 't do that very well. I
think I have learned something that will help me do it better in the
future."
Make a list of lessons you have learned in your life - some of
the things you have learned from your hard experiences and your joyous
experiences.
After reviewing the ideas in "Making Peace with
Yourself," discuss your ideas with a trusted friend. What does he or she
see as your gifts? What growth have you shown? What are your opportunities for
new growth?
If you find yourself unable to overcome feelings of fear,
anxiety, or sadness, you might benefit from reading a book on many of the ways
that we keep ourselves miserable - and how we can change that. A good book
(although quite long) is David D. Burns' The Feeling Good Handbook. If you
still feel down, it might also be useful to talk with a doctor or counselor who
helps people deal with continuing feelings of sadness or depression.
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