 Family Life
Living in Loveland
Languages of Love: Telling
There are many customized ways to love. There is showing. There
is hugging. And there is telling. Every person prefers a little different
combination of messages of love.
For people who like to be told love, hearing certain words
regularly is very important. It is not enough that you cook for them, work
for them, or hug them. They want to hear the words.
There are many words for telling love.
"I love you!"
"You crack me up."
"You make me laugh."
"I love being with you!"
"My life is better because you are in it."
"Thank you for being my child."
"You make my life richer by being in it."
For some people, being told they are loved is uncomfortable.
They don't know what to say or how to react. They may still want to be told - but
perhaps in a different way.
Telling can be done in many ways. Some children just want
to hear you express your love in words. Some may prefer a note. Some may love
surprise notes in their lunch box or book bag. Some may like an occasional
wrapped surprise. Once in a while you might surprise them with a special sign in
their bedroom. Especially as they get older, some children may prefer a letter
in which you tell about good times and cherished memories you have shared. You
may tell them what you remember about her birth or his childhood. You may tell
about your pride and joy as she grew.
Build special traditions. You can make up a pet name for
the child "My little lunch-box of happiness." (Make sure the child
enjoys the name!) You can use endearments: "Honey,"
"Sweetie," "Dear." (But don't use them at a time that will
embarrass them in front of their friends.) Celebrate something that you share in
common - a favorite food, color, or cloud formation.
In a world where people are busy, children often get the feeling
that they just get in the way or nobody cares about them. They want to know that
they are important to you. Tell them.
Applications.
Think of each of your children individually.
What are some ways that the child likes to be told of your love?
Try experimenting with notes. You can have fun with the notes by
using stickers or drawing pictures or . . . .
Can you sometimes tell that your child is standing around
looking hungry to be noticed and involved? Invite them to join you in an
activity.
Invite your child to tell you about his or her day in a
different way. "Tell me about feelings you had today. Did you feel
happy or sad or angry?"
Children like to get mail. You might occasionally send a
post card or note or greeting card to a child - even if you are not going to
be away.
Help your child set up a correspondence with a relative who loves them. He or
she may write to a grandparent or aunt and get loving mail in return.
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