 Family Life
Living in Loveland
Showing Love by Taking Time
When a person takes time to be with you, it sends a very
powerful message: "You are important to me." When a person has fun
with you, it sends another powerful message: "I enjoy being with you."
Those are very important messages! It is very important to spend enjoyable time
with children.
Effective time together can come in either small or large
doses. When a child does something as simple as asking a parent a question,
the parent can look at the child and give a serious answer. That may only take a
minute but it sends an important message to the child: "What you say is
important to me." There are many such small ways in which parents can send
messages of love to children.
Many things that we do with children take more than a minute. It
takes some time to take a walk, go the park, read a book together, or work on a
craft project together. It can help us as parents if we are prepared to dedicate
blocks of time to our children. Nothing we do is any more important than being a
part of their lives. When a child asks for some of our time, we can think of it
as an unwelcome interruption or an invitation to be involved in the child's
life. Think of interruptions as invitations to be a part of a family member's
life.
Sometimes we can have fun with our children while doing other
things at the same time. For example, sometimes we can have fun grocery
shopping together. Of course it is also possible that we might also have a
miserable time together at the grocery store. The difference is whether or not
we use good sense and a little planning. We may not want to make an outing to
the store together if either of us is tired or hungry. We might have a great
time together, however, if we are in good spirits and make a game of our
shopping.
There are other ways to enjoy time together. We can use travel
time in the car to talk about what's happening at school. We can make meal
time a fun time to talk. We can use TV or movie time as a togetherness time to
enjoy carefully-chosen programs.
Make time together fun. Whether you are working in the
yard together or going for ice cream, have fun. Avoid criticizing or using time
together to comment on the child's problems. Use the time to enjoy being
together.
Sometimes we cannot take time immediately. We all have
many things happening in our lives. We have appointments, meetings, and personal
commitments. Even when we cannot take time immediately to be with a child, we
can assure them, "I like spending time with you. Right now I must go to a
meeting. I will be glad to read you a story when I get home about 8:30."
Great time together does not require lots of money. The
one thing that makes time together good for children is knowing that someone
enjoys being with them doing what they love to do. For example, when you go to a
museum, rather than rush through in order to see everything, a child may prefer
to stop and enjoy specific displays. Wise parents slow down and lets the
children's interests determine the focus and pace. Many things may not get
seen but more things will be enjoyed if we follow our children's lead.
Make appointments to do things with your children. When
children are young, you might plan some small event with them every day.
"This evening after dinner let's walk over to the park and ride the
swings." As children get older they may want to go biking together, have us
come to one of their soccer games, or take them out for a treat one day each
week. Make dates with them to do the fun things they enjoy. There is hardly a
better way to show children that you care about them than taking time to be with
them.
Applications.
Look at your calendar or think about your schedule. Have you
made a special place for each member of your family this week?
Think of each member of your family individually. What are some
of the things that each likes to do? What are some of the fun things you have
done with each person? Do you need to refine the way you spend time together so
that you are doing things that both of you enjoy more?
When your child talks to you, do you take time to listen? Most
of us need to make a better effort to listen to our children. When they talk to
you, turn to them and pay attention.
When you make a promise to spend time with a child, do you honor that
commitment? If an emergency interrupts your plans, do you apologize and schedule
a new time?
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